What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:15
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Scientists: We Built 'World's Smallest Violin' - Newser
I could never make a relationship work though!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
China Auto Body Slams ‘Vicious Competition’ After BYD Price Cuts - Bloomberg
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
What did someone say to you that instantly made you realize their life was in danger?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Obituary for Alan A Hines - holcombefuneralhomes.com
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?
One cannot live in the past .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?
Would this be the day?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Have you ever been a victim of gaslighting? What happened?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Alex Cora Takes Blame for Red Sox Woes After Extra Innings Loss - Sports Illustrated
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
New Report Details Knicks’ Jalen Brunson Concern Before Firing Tom Thibodeau - Sports Illustrated
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why didn't my ex fight for our relationship? He gave up so easily.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
S&P 500 scores best May since 1990, but stocks end month with fresh tariff worries - MarketWatch
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So whats the point in blame.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She loved him until the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He knew the spot.
My family never makes their pension either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So, i spoilt her more .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But, we were locked up after school.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I will be 64.
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was in good health!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
It was going to be , some day.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I write beautiful poetry .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it wasn’t much.
I have no regrets .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She found it foreign!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I don,t even have a pension.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What did i know ?
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She married twice! .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My life is so biszare .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She wouldn,t have been !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i lived it daily.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was scared of men, in general
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was 9 years of age.